The Vietnam War kept my cousin. It also kept a few friends of mine from high school and a boyfriend who just disappeared after he returned from his draft stint.
I spent two years in Germany working huge mainframe computers, eventually a short stint in Military Intelligence.
The Vietnam War is famous -our country turned on many of the men who returned from that hellhole war. Men who did not want to be there in the first place. People called them baby killers, spit on them. Men returned to the states and many have spent the rest of their lives fighting with those demons that came back with them-the ones in their minds. Vietnam Vets have never really been honored for the sacrifices they made. This was a not a war anyone but politicians wanted. It took years of shouting for the government to listen to the American people.

Starting with Bush, no pretending was necessary-Donald Rumsfeld understaffed the Iraqi invasion and George Bush pretended it was over months after the intial invasion.
Now we have men fighting in two countries overseas, dying in two countries, overseas, and I ask why??

Don’t give me the history garbage of military strategy, how important it is to “fight” for democracy. Stand up for others..
Our imposition of our own ideals is every bit as repressive and invasive as any dictatorial regime.
The call for Manifest Destiny is the biggest farce of all-who chose us? We did!

While we yell about other countries violating humans rights we have become a nation that locks teen agers up for life, uses the death penalty and have violated human rights with arrest and imprisonment without charges, a right to an attorney or the ability to face accusers. George Bush started prisons in other countries in which CIA operatives would abduct “suspects” from a country and take them to the prisons.

If we aren’t Stalinesque in our approach to law enforcement, we sure are a story right out of Twilight Zone.

The countries in blue are those that do not use the death penalty. Those in green have laws on the books but do not use it. Those in the dark red not only use it but will kill individuals under the age of 21.
If you notice most civilized countries do not use the death penalty.

Our boys are fighting this war. Our boys, mostly poor,of color. They go to war because it is all they know to do, and they hope to be recognized with honor.
It is very much like having a parent who never shows love. Young men, disenfranchised, unemployed, mainly men of color, looking for the approval of a nation which will never recognize the sacrifices.
Sadly, the approval doesn’t seem to come. Many die.
I have been around long enough to watch one to many wars. There is no justifiable reason to kill in this civilized world. Not one.
Our young men, mostly boys when recruited, deserve better.. They desrve a promise and a hope from us, that we, as Americans will do right by our boys

But we don’t. do we? Our country is so full of itself and our  ability to top another’s “suffering” we don’t get out of our “National narcissism” to recognize the sacrifices made by our men and women in the Armed Forces.
President Obama,
keep showing the body bags. Those dead soldiers are mama’s little boys, all grown up, they  are husbands and daddies, brother, sister, cousin, niece, nephew and boyfriend, loved dearly.
Don’t allow our country to keep the consequences of these deadly wars hidden.
War isn’t part reality show.
It is reality. Real suffering, loss and pain. It is “real reality”
.

I am two weeks from being homeless. My credit is gone. My credit is not only gone but the :fresh start” I attempted not only worsened the situation, it left me with fewer options.
I am an educated person. I am keeping my fingers crossed that a teaching job comes through next week. I don’t think I even have enough money to make a move. So I don’t know what I am going to do.

You know, when I hit bottom last night there was a peace that came over me.
Because when there are no more answers, the questions become moot. I have to move by the end of the month.
My 17 year old daughter is going to have a baby boy in five months. She graduates from high school in one month. My son is seriously mentally ill .
Yeah I know it sounds like one big messed up family.

The irony is I came from a seriously messed up family. I worked hard to overcome some serious obstacles. I got an education. I paid my bills. I owned homes. I am a responsible worker.

I moved to Las Vegas to help the foster mom who gave me a chance at this life. She believed in me.
I lived with her and her husband for 7 years, caring for them until she died after a long end life of alzheimers.
It was a difficult time. I started gambling. I went into treatment and stopped for a long time.

Then I started again. This time I lost my house. My credit, small as it was, destroyed.
When I moved to Vero Beach it was with the help of a good friend.
My daughter almost died drinking with his girlfriend. She won’t admit to feeding my daughter alcohol. Her lie has destroyed the relationship between them and the 20 year friendship I had with her dad.

I could not find a job teaching. I found a temp job. It pays no insurance and holidays are not paid either.
Ironically what I do is help women who are receiving cash assistance get into school , gain marketable skills and get jobs.
But I can’t find a job which supports my family.
I am in a house I can’t afford the rent. The utilities are impossible. My lease isn’t in my name and now I am ruining the credit of another person.

My daughter is growing up. I am so proud of her. She is a strong woman. She deserves better. She could have had an abortion or taken the morning after pill. She has a pretty good idea of what she is choosing. Ironically her choice to not abort her baby has consequences.  This is a small town.Her teachers are very supportive of her. She is facing a great challenge. But we are family and we will make it. She will go to college. Her boyfriend has grown up as well. He starts school in January..  He is looking for work. They are both scared. I think that isn’t all bad. But they are taking responsibility for this baby. I am proud of them.

I believe life is like flight. . We only have so much control over our travel in the sky. We can have the best flight plans, but Mother Nature handles the flight and the sky is limitless. Who knows what challenges are ahead?
Death has a destination.
Life, to be lived in awareness, is only a ride in which we are guests.
So our life can soar or dip, wherever the flight takes us. I am hopeful I can control the speed, the pitch and the direction(to some extent) of this ride. The rest is up to the fates.
You know, I have had and lost many of the “things” in life. I pretty much started with nothing.
This point of travel really helps me acknowledge what is most important-
I have a family I love with all my heart. I have the skies, the sunshine and the rain.  I have green all around me and the sound of the ocean. I have a job I love even though I can’t pay my bills! I have a new grandson on the way.
Sometimes I think it is easy to forget what real hope is when one has an abundance of “stuff”
I am pretty much freed of the shackles of “stuff” because I am almost out of it! I have a car I would like to keep because I think I can get a job eventually and we will need it.

The rest, I guess, we just have to figure out along the way.

Accepting cash assistance from the US government has always been a shame based program.
Shame based meaning those that apply and meet face to face with workers making minimal wage with minimal education are often confronted  with unprofessional, judgmental negative comments at the front door.
Let’s look at the numbers and break down of recipients:


37.4% of AFDC families were non-Hispanic white, 19.9% Hispanic, and 36.4% were African American. The average AFDC recipient has 1.8 children -slightly more than the National average.
The myth of welfare moms with a myriad of children is just that-an ignorant myth.

A recent conversation with a coworker put it all in perspective. One day she was showing me pictures of an event that took place at her church. A cute little boy about two years old was hanging from the leg of the Pastor. I commented on how cute he looked.
She related an event which happened with one of the parishioners at her church.
The woman and her husband had been homeless for awhile and the church helped them get back on their feet.
The woman discovered she was pregnant and decided to get an abortion.
While she was at Planned Parenthood the Pastor got wind of her decision and sent a friend to talk her out of it.
A number of friends showed up, she went home, and this little boy was the result of that decision.

I told her I thought it was a wonderful story if the woman was satisfied with her decision. He was adorable.

I then mentioned what made her so different than our clients?
Why were our clients considered ignorant and irresponsible because they decided to give birth rather than choose abortion?
Why did women on welfare not be recognized for taking the courageous route of giving birth rather than aborting? After all, they had easy access to the morning after, the week after and even therapeutic abortion and they chose to have their children instead.
What about all the women who had abortions rather than have children? Since they could not be counted under the “negative” side as irresponsible weren’t they walking around getting credit for being “responsible” citizens and “not getting pregnant?”, I asked.
For example, my seventeen year old daughter is pregnant. She had all the choices above, and believe me, the “morning after” pill looked like a good solution to me. No vacuum procedure, early prevention-
but she told me she could never have an abortion. She just couldn’t do it.
Now she is a pregnant teenager, taking the responsibility of preparing for a child, going to school, reading books, making appointments and keeping them, and becoming a responsible adult. Sadly, in my eyes, she gave up her last year as a teenager to become an adult so quickly.
She is still seen as irresponsible because she got pregnant. If she had an abortion instead, no one would know she got pregnant. Would she be one of those “responsible teenagers” who did not “get pregnant by accident or carelessness?” Why is she not seen as courageous for accepting responsibility for bringing a child into this world rather than “another lazy , feckless teenage mom? Granted, she is not receiving cash assistance-but is that the dividing line between responsibility and irresponsibility?

My friend’s response?
“I never thought of it that way”.

15.7 million of us are out of jobs. 10.2 % of our nations citizens.
Think about it.
If 15.7 million are not employed, those people have no health insurance.
It doesn’t stop there.
If 15.7 million of us are unemployed, each of us, 15.7 million, also have families which no longer have health insurance.
We are well beyond 15.7 million US citizens which have no health insurance.
215 members of congress voted no for Universal Health Insurance.
39 Democrats and 179 Republicans voted no.

Let us put ideology into practice.
Since every one of them HAS Universal Health Care through a federally funded insurance program-throw them off the plan.
All 215.
Make them put their money where their mouths are-
Make them buy their own health insurance-through privately owned companies.
No Federal on the dole health for them.
Or better yet, make them join the more than 15 million US citizens and their families -with no health insurance.

Accountability.
If the 179 out of 180 Republicans believe their representation of us translates into not one of almost 16 million US citizens and our families do not deserve health care because we are unemployed, let us demand that Republicans live our lifestyle.
Unemploy them
Unemploy them so they understand the lifestyle of those of us who worked hard all of our lives, paid our taxes and paid through our employers our fair share of health costs-
Let us force them to live the lifestyle.
Those who believe money is far more important than the lives of our citizens in this country, let them become unemployed and without insurance.
As we unemployed know, money to support our families is essential but no profit and loss sheet ever replaced those we love, cherish and  hope will have the chance for  healthy, productive and joyous lives.

The bottom line? We love our families. Health care is a right and our lives should never be perceived as one big profit and loss statement.
We citizens are not and will never be considered as a liability for greedy, monolithic health care corporations and/ or other businesses in this country.

1996 Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation …also known as The Welfare Reform Act shut everybody up.
Those who believed people were driving around in pink Cadillacs living the life of Donald Trump got their lust for punitive measures satiated.
Those who liberally believed everyone needs to have a job, we just have to help a little, had their little golden souls appeased by the efforts to put those less fortunate in the workforce.
Lobbyists were out in full force for this juicy morsel of legislation. Money allocated for education and support totaled 16.5 billion dollars. That money in the form of block grants is given to the states to allocate it how they wish. Most allocate the dollars in grants of minimal assistance, for example Florida provides 240.00 a month to individuals with one children, and requires  at least 20 work or volunteer hours weekly  to continue receiving the monthly income.


Most states contracted with other agencies to implement the program. Many of the programs contracted with are concerned with one set of numbers.
The amount of time a client is engaged in activity for a month.
States require 20 hours  per week for single parents with children under age six.
Many private programs require 35 hours a week regardless of a child’s age.
In addition, it doesn’t matter how those hours are allocated-volunteer work, schooling, work experience and job search. The rules set by the state and the managing agency implement and enforce  the documented hours. Women who do not comply are sanctioned by the managing agency personnel.


Without providing an entire lesson on the Welfare Transition Program, (read the Act) a few events occurred which made this program look very successful. For awhile an abundance of minimum wage jobs existed. Clients moved on and off the welfare programs depending on the low wage job availability. Clients were hired at McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s with little effort. In fact, prior job  and criminal histories mattered little. Educational levels were ignored.
Poor women with children weren’t seen or heard from, voila! the program considered a success.


The unemployment picture today reveals a different picture.
1. Poor women can’t get those fast food jobs anymore. They are turned away and told they need a high school education, or their criminal record makes them ineligible.
Internet applications don’t give them a chance to get in the door. One look at their record and the application is often kicked out of the system.


2. The Welfare Transition Program is perceived as the bottom rung of social welfare thus the people hired to counsel, guide and draw from resources and community expertise are often making little more than a living wage. Many are hired from career /human resource fields and consider any behavior not associated with the quest for employment irrelevant and ignore the needsof the clientele-single mothers with little or no support systems, impoverished, uneducated and not prepared for the competitiveness of the marketplace0
in fact, not only unprepared but torn between the message that you work no matter what and the needs of the children.


3. The majority of the women who remain on the welfare rolls the full four years are ones who cannot obtain employment because of a criminal record. Many of these crimes are not serious, or a one time event, or years past-but they cannot obtain employment.
These women are ignored by the system. It is the dirty little secret of welfare reform. There is no reform set up for these women. They cycle in and out.


4. Keeping working women poor
The women are pushed into training programs which will still keep them at poverty level. Schooling and training classes offered are at service level-nurses aides, phlebotomy class certificates(no license), home health aide, clerical or data entry classes. The colleges run fully funded welfare programs to train poor women to work low wage jobs and tell them it is only a “start” they can go on with the education as they work”
5. Bad Bad fit
Women are referred to these classes and when completed find out they cannot even take the state licensing test because they either do not have a GED or have a criminal record. The women are not informed of this.


6. Child Care. The fallacy of childcare. Women are forced to place children in state paid childcare. The rest of the world tells them they are getting a great gift. Their children get to go to “school” 40 hours a week while mom builds skills. The message? You are poor, you have children out of wedlock, you are in dependant circumstances, you don’t have a choice about your children. You want this little bit of money?
Put your kids in daycare. Get a low paying job or volunteer fulltime.
Parenting is not as important as showing the state you are “productive” Parenting is not considered a productive activity.Women have no choice if they want to survive.


Our culture has changed over the past ten years. Many will say, “It’s their choice.”
“They don’t deserve to be supported by the rest of us taxpayers”"Lazy welfare moms”


The fact is most of the women on welfare rolls are  unmarried black women, with little education. Why haven’t we addressed this plight before the road to welfare?
Black males have the highest unemployment rates in the country. Black males have had the highest unemployment rates in this country long before the 13% unemployment rate.


Most women applying for financial assistance in todays climate of unemployment, hostility and finger pointing express great shame at their perceived inability to move beyond their situation.
Sadly, with the poorly funded , uneducated workers, high turnover rates and misdirected counsel of clients, poor black women are doomed because we doom them.
Following the rules will not provide them with a decent paying job, it will only move them off cash assistance, where they lose food stamps and Medicaid for their children -to work low paying jobs until the next catatsrophe propels them back into the system.

It is just too tempting.
You know how facebook puts these little messages on the side of your page?
My son leaves his facebook open in perpetuity.
I shut my down.
Another ego driven narcissistic non way to communicate. Post your life to the world. Make short comments about others. Don’t develop intimacy. Play with balloons and glitter. Poke people. C’mon grown ups-aren’t we anymore?

Anyway here is a beautiful picture from my son’s facebook.

This Brandon and his beautiful son.
According to Facebook, Brandon needs help.
Brandon needs help-why?
Well, Facebook is asking my son to help him.
Did Brandon ask for help?
No.
Does it look like Brandon needs help to you?
He looks pretty sweet in this picture, I’d say.

Facebook doesn’t think so.
They posted a little note on the side of my son’s Facebook.

“Brandon needs your help.
Brandon only has 14 friends
Can you help Brandon find more friends?.


How pathetic and high school peer pressured moronic drivel is that?


Looks to me like Brandon is doing just fine.

Things to do in the dark:
1. Paint your fingernails
2. Sew
3. Shave
4. Put on your make up
5. color your hair
6. trim your nose hairs
7. hop backwards 20 steps

For Fun
1. Bake bread without a recipe.
2. Write the Pledge of Allegiance with your eyes closed on linedpaper without going off them.
3. text your friends using numbers instead of letters.
4. Tweet using code your upper case numbers
5. check your mail at midnight

Ultra challenge
1. Attempt the sobriety test while sober.
2. Complete the Roschach test and look for results online
3.Compete with a friend- try to cry in thirty seconds or less
4. Write ten lists in 100 seconds. Start list one with the letter “A” and move on to “B”
5. Find twenty places to put a “?” in twenty sentences or less where they skew the intent

Are you really  doing these?
Send me the results, Mensa Challenged

this hour, this minute sometimes this second
time, I stand alone immersed in it,
time has control,
I do not.
whatever the moment pushed forward, resistant poof-
carried me.
My voice lost in the moving minutes,
yesterdays words,
tomorrows
now.
Words that flail, falling words,
coursing through my brain,
pushing outward,
to the spans of  time.
Only my echo is heard
pushed away
this second,
this minute,
now.